The Three Little Bears Become The Flinstones

Baby Bear then.

Baby Bear now.

*Note to the reader: Goldilocks has been eliminated from this story. She always gave me the creeps a little bit. No offense to my blonde friends. And really, we're a family of brunettes. And we're quite bearish. There's that.

Once upon a time there was a family of little bears- Three Little Bears. This family of bears loved to travel and often found themselves in idyllic circumstances. Quite often, however, this family of little bears would begin to tally up things that weren't idyllic. This is the story of one of those times...

At the first house the bears stayed at during this trip (see previous post "Pretending We Live Here")life was just about perfect in every way for the first few days. Things started to go amiss when Baby Bear started skipping her naps and being grumpy because the house was made up of one big room like a studio apartment. That made it hard for Baby Bear to relax and unwind. It meant all the bears had to relax and unwind- even if the grownup bears weren't ready to relax and unwind. All sorts or problems were caused by Baby Bear's missed naps.

Baby Bear also staged loud protests against the introduction of porridge for breakfast. Mama Bear and Babba Bear thought they were so cool by creating a brown rice, coconut milk and fresh pineapple concoction to start the day. They congratulated themselves for preparing such a delicious macrobiotic meal for their family. They were under the impression that being a family of Three Little Bears meant they were supposed to like porridge if it was prepared just right. They were so wrong. They had a porridge riot on their hands! Baby Bear even objected to the word "porridge" being tossed around. She would have none of it. Not even one spoonful.

Then Mama and Babba Bear discovered a rat sneaking in during the middle of the night. They outsmarted the rat one night by tricking it into leaving on its own, but inevitably it came back the following night. And it nibbled a pineapple sitting on the counter which the Bear Family had not intended to share. The next night, now suffering from their own sleepless delirium, Mama and Babba set a Have-A-Heart trap they found in the storage area of the house and caught The Very Large Rat. But the drama didn't end there. The refrigerator stopped working several times each day and the Three Little Bears worried that their food would spoil (was the leftover porridge safe to eat?!) Babba Bear tried all sorts of stunts to fix the refrigerator but nothing worked. All of this, and I haven't mentioned the problem with the water leak that poured forth like a geyser early one morning.

And so it was that their time at the first house was over. They'd known when they made the reservation that it was only available for the first 10 days of their trip, and so the family picked up and moved to their second house which was located right near the center of town. The house itself was fine enough at first, a quaint cottage, but remember that we're talking about The Bear Family here, and it didn't stay quaint or "fine enough" for long. Below you will find a list of the complaints The Bear Family had about this house. I've purposefully made each comment anonymous as to protect each bear's anonymity:

"This house lacks vibes. I can't explain it more than that. It's just vibes."

"I'm upset because I was really enjoying peeing outside, and now being in town I can't do that.""I don't want to get dressed before walking outside in the morning. I don't want people looking at me or saying, "Buenos Dias" before I've had my green tea."

"I don't want to wear clothes at all. Why do I have to? Why?"

"This house is too close to the Discotheque and the partying goes on all night long. I feel like I'm a hostage who's being forced to listen to pop music as means of torture. There should be a worldwide moratorium on auto-tuned vocals in music."

"Hearing the revelers at the Discotheque all freaking night long is making me feel like a fuddy duddy. I know in my heart I'm not really a fuddy duddy. I'm not one, am I?"

"It's weird having neighbors. I feel guilty for not talking to them more.."

"I feel like there's a little melancholy creeping in to the edges of my psyche here. Nothing major. Barely perceptible even, but still."

"I envy the children who live here. I really do. I'm jealous even. I'd do almost anything for Baby Bear to grow up playing tag in the alleyway like these kids do on their way to school. Talk about a real childhood. But why do they have to have a game of tag that lasts 30 minutes right outside of the window where Baby Bear is supposed to be napping? Must they shriek and squeal in delight? Must they?!"

The Bear Family resolved that they could not stay at this second house. They wondered aloud if their standards were unrealistically too high. Were they snobbish bears? They reflected on how constantly striving for something better in life is a trap- how it's one of the biggest problems with the world. The Bear Family consider themselves to be philosophically opposed to striving. Why then not just chill and be happy? Because. That's why.

The property managers were kind to The Three Little Bears and listened thoughtfully to their pleas. Then they proposed a solution: The Cave House was becoming available the next day. Would the bears like to move there? The Three Little Bears, remembering two years ago when they stayed at the cave house when Baby Bear was just 18 months old, didn't have to think twice about it at all. The cave is about as perfect of a place as there ever was, bears like caves, and it's partially subterranean for crying out loud! It was totally unexpected that they'd get to stay there again (they'd checked months ago for availability and the answer had been no.)

And so it was that The Bear Family found themselves cave dwellers once again, and though they've been staying at the cave for several already nary a single complaint has been uttered. With each new passing day The Three Little Bears are transforming themselves into The Flinstones. They're a page right out of history. They're a modern stone aged family!