Gone Native

I've been lamenting the kind of childhood Dew Drop and her friends are having in the United States. I'm not a complete greenhorn, I know that if you scratch the surface even a little bit you'll find all kinds of blights on childhoods going on here. Nothing is ever as it seems.

But knowing that shouldn't deter my own criticisms of the way I see children being raised all around me at home. To summarize how I feel is that Dew Drop has had more "playdates" in this six weeks in the D.R. than she's ever had in her lifetime combined. And none of it's planned. She plays every single day here with multiple kids- all of the time. Socially she's grown more while here than at any other time and she doesn't speak the language.

When I think about her social calendar at home, which is deemed adequate by rural American standards, it's pathetic. So maybe she has gymnastics once a week and goes to the library for story time? Woop-D-Fucking-Doo. And when I think about how the kids at these social engagements/socially engineered activities relate to each other I just feel sad because they feel on the spot to have fun and forge friendships. There's no improvisations. The kids do the activity set before them by the adults for the most part. And adults are always nearby or present. If a parent lets their kid stray too far all of the other parents click their tongues- I am guilty of this too though I'm sheepish to admit it. I wonder how the children raised this way will relate to the rest of humanity?In a planet with 7 billion people and counting how will these kids truly know how to be part of the larger whole if they've never done that independently? Clearly, in most of the world, parents just don't have the time or energy to helicopter. Helicoptering is a privilege.

When I tell you that it breaks my heart I am not being overly dramatic. The kids here, at least when they're really little and still cherised, live in a dream world. They care about each other and play so beautifully together.

And here kids are playing in nature. Outside. They rarely play with toys because they don't have a lot of toys. I've played restaurant with kids almost every day since we arrived. We collect little leaves and sticks and pretend to cook. Usually the Dominican kids pretend to cook on wood fired stoves and gently fan their pretend fire with a single leaf. We collect shells or rocks to use as pretend pesos to pay for our meals.

Dew Drop's played soccer on the beach with kids she doesn't know. She walked right up to them and started playing. I've never done that.

I haven't mentioned The Intense Mother Guilt based on race that is completely and joyfully absent in my brain here. My kid has been playing with pretty much only brown kids who look like her this whole time. Most everyone that we see or meet is brown. It's a huge burden for me not to worry about my kid being racially isolated every second of the day. Dew Drop knows it, we talk about it, and it feels really good. It's huge.

The moral of the story is that we've gone native. Completely. And it's been so beautiful. We're daydreaming future scenarios about how we can give Dew Drop the opportunity to live in the real world- at least a little bit each year to even out all of the weirdness that is America. I have no idea how we're going to pull it off. Schooling will be tricky. But I'm so passionate about it- pretty much obsessed.