Last week we made a decision to move from only the girls' list at our agency to also being on the boys' list. We'd originally been open to either gender, but somewhere during the wait things seemed to be moving very quickly. We got nervous. We weren't ready. We wanted to slow things down a bit. So as a means of "controlling" our adoption we moved to only being on the girl's list which is a much longer list than the boys' list. We don't like the idea of choosing gender at all, but on our agency's lists there is such a disparity between who would like a son and who would like a daughter that even if you're not choosing gender you are (you're choosing a boy!) All of this means that this week we've also changed our perception of what our family looks like. It took a few days to get our minds around that. And a few sleepless nights. It is so interesting to think of this new family with a daughter...and a son!
Moving onto the boys' list puts us squarely in the single digits on the list. Single digits! Gulp.
This wait has been so strange, and so much different than last time. There is not a day that goes by that we aren't involved in really lengthy and philosophical discussions involving ethics in international adoption, world economic disparities, human rights, the roles of women in society, famines, ect. This isn't easy stuff- but it's necessary to try to get a grip on it all if you're adopting from Ethiopia right now. It's heart wrenching and it is exhausting. Long story short: it's taking a lot of my time and a lot of my energy.
In some ways, I've guarded my heart with my brain. I've intellectualized this adoption from every angle, but I haven't necessarily let my heart begin to open for our next child. That changed this week though. Just the excitement of thinking about our family in a new way- with a son!- put me over the edge. I can honestly say that I am now ranking myself in the "Yikes!" category of The Adoption Freaky Scale....and I like being that far gone.
15 comments:
I love it! Boys are so fun to raise. A whole new amazing dynamic. I am excited for you : )
You will be a great mom to a son.
Also, I wish I knew half of what you know when we adopted the first time.
A son!
That is so cool! I looove having a son.
I was on the open gender list. FULLY FULLY expecting a boy (because although the wait times have signifantly changed, the gender issues still remained the same). I mean, i was even told, "open to gender means boy". Surprise! Either way, congrats again and I am just so so excited for you.
'philosophical discussions involving ethics in international adoption, world economic disparities, human rights, the roles of women in society, famines, ect.' I would be intrigued to know how you had all those discussions and still came out with the answer you have!
All the cool adoption bloggers are doing it..... Happy for this post, I had wondered why you were waiting for a daughter when you have Dew Drop. But then I thought, "none of my business.". And once again reminded myself that the whole world doesn't think like I do. But I love the symmetry of having a boy and a girl.
Whichever comes your way, it will be a beautiful day at the lost planet.
We just did this, too. It was nice to let go of trying to have any part of 'control' of who the next person in our family will be. A person inside of a body of one gender or another, that's how I have come to like it very much. I love your freaky scale.
Holy cow! You're getting close! (I'd love to hear more about your ethical discussions too just because I think you have a lot of great stuff to say. I'd enjoy knowing more about your take on what's going on right now.)
Congrats on making such a big decision! My personal opinion is that agencies shouldn't let anyone choose gender, so I am happy to see so many of my waiting friends open themselves up to either gender.
Oh boy! indeed! Having a son....it is a beautiful relationship. As I type this I hear 2 sons pushing one on a tree swing, laughing and screaming (in a happy way). so excited for you to be a mama to a sweet boy!!!!
Oh yay, this is SO exciting!!!
I think you make a great point about picking gender either way. I was talking to J about this after I read your post (that's normal, right? Everyone talks about other people's blogs to their husbands, right? RIGHT?) and we were thinking there needs to be some kind of fancy mathematicality whereby open really does mean open. We think maybe only 10% of girls go to the girls list and the rest all go to the open list. Either way, there should definitely be a spreadsheet :) I've gotta say that I kind of tend towards Liz's point of view, but if they do allow selection... there should definitely be some fancy maths involved.
I think what I really mean to say though is - yay! A son!
I am so excited to hear this! Little boys are so snuggley and cuddley! Yay! Yay! Yay!
Raising a son is an honor you will do right by and enjoy:)
Yay!
Tanya
I had missed this post somehow! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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